This Guy Got Divorced And Said This About His Ex-Wife… And I Agree With Him.

Marriage Advice I Wish I Would’ve Had

(By Gerald Rogers, shared here for informational purposes.)

Recently, Gerald got divorced after 16 years of marriage. He wrote this public confession on his blog; his insights struck a chord with many.

1) Never stop courting

Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man who would own her heart and fiercely protect it. This is the most important, sacred treasure you’ll ever be entrusted with. She chose you—never forget that, and never get lazy in your love.

2) Protect your own heart

Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully; love the world openly. But keep a special place in your heart for only her. Invite her in, and refuse to let anything else enter.

3) Fall in love over and over again

You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you won’t be the same as you are today. Change will come—so re-choose each other every single day. She doesn’t have to stay with you. If you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or close it off completely, and you might never get it back. Always fight to win her love, just as you did when you were courting.

4) Always see the best in her

Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you zero in on what bugs you, you’ll find endless reasons to be annoyed. If you focus on what you love, you’ll be consumed by love. Focus until you can no longer see anything but love—knowing without a doubt you’re the luckiest man on earth to have this woman as your wife.

5) It’s not your job to change or fix her

Your job is to love her as she is, with no expectation of her ever changing. If she does change, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) Take full accountability for your own emotions

It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she can’t make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, which will naturally spill over into your relationship and love.

7) Never blame your wife

If you feel frustrated or angry at her, it’s only because something inside you is triggered. They’re your emotions—your responsibility. When you feel them, take time to get present, look within, and figure out what’s asking to be healed. You were attracted to her because she was the person best suited to trigger these childhood wounds in the most painful ways, so you can heal them. Once you heal yourself, you won’t be triggered by her, and you’ll wonder why you ever were.

8) Allow your woman to just be

When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it; it’s your job to hold her and let her know it’s okay. Let her know she’s heard, that she’s important, and that you’re a pillar she can lean on. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion. Like a storm, those emotions roll in and out. If you stand strong and don’t judge, she will trust you and open her soul to you. Don’t run away when she’s upset; stand present and show her you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she’s really saying beneath the words.

9) Be silly

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh, and make her laugh too. Laughter eases tension and makes everything else simpler.

10) Fill her soul every day

Learn her love languages and the ways she feels important, validated, and cherished. Ask her to create a list of 10 things that make her feel loved—memorize them and prioritize doing them daily. Treat her like a queen.

11) Be present

Give her not only your time but your focus, attention, and soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you’re with her, you’re fully with her. Treat her as you would your most valuable client—because she is.

12) Be willing to take her sexually

Carry her away in the power of your masculine presence; devour her with your strength. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she trusts you fully. Penetrate her soul, not just her body.

13) Don’t be an idiot

And don’t be afraid of being one, either. You’ll make mistakes, and so will she. Try not to make big ones, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect—just not too stupid.

14) Give her space

Women are so good at giving, they sometimes forget to care for themselves. Encourage her to nurture her own soul. Let her take time for herself—especially if you have kids—so she can re-center. When she returns, she’ll come back renewed and brimming with new songs to sing.

15) Be vulnerable

You don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings. Own your mistakes, quickly. Let her see your humanness.

16) Be fully transparent

If you want trust, be willing to share everything, especially the things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to open your heart when you’re unsure how she’ll react. Part of that courage is letting her love you—darkness and light. Drop the mask. If you always act perfect, you’ll never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) Never stop growing together

A stagnant pond breeds problems; a flowing stream remains fresh and cool. If you stop working on your relationship, it atrophies. Seek common goals, dreams, and visions. Grow side by side.

18) Don’t worry about money

It’s a game; find ways to work as a team. Teammates who fight each other rarely “win.” Blend your strengths to handle finances effectively.

19) Forgive immediately

Focus on the future instead of dragging the past around. Don’t let history hold you hostage—forgiveness is freedom.Cut the anchor loose, and always choose love.

20) Always choose love

In the end, this is the only advice you need. If love is your guiding principle in every choice, nothing will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love endures all.

Final Reflection

Marriage isn’t about “happily ever after.” It’s about work—a commitment to grow together, continually investing in something that can endure any storm. Through that work, happiness arrives. Marriage, like life, has ups and downs. Embrace every cycle as a chance to learn, love, and grow stronger, one brick at a time.

Gerald writes that he learned these lessons the hard way, too late for his marriage of almost 16 years. But he’s committed to carrying them forward. If you see wisdom here, share it with friends or family whose hope might need rekindling. When a man steps up to be the lover his wife has waited for—or when a woman steps up to cherish her husband—marriage can be the partnership it was always meant to be.

Men: This is your charge—to become an epic lover. There’s no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of spouse your partner can’t help but brag about.

(Posted with respect to Gerald Rogers’s original words. Edited lightly for clarity.)

You can find out more about Gerald on his blog at http://geraldrogers.com and also Like him on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/geraldrrogers. I thought his words were really meaningful – I know not everyone will agree with his viewpoint or some of his points but it’s insightful and hopefully if it helps create better relationships and marriages, then I’ll all for it.