There is nothing wrong with being attracted to a successful man or woman if this is because they have qualities such as drive and ambition that you find very appealing and that match you well. For gold-diggers however, this is the sole reason or main decision making criteria for entering into a relationship with a partner.
Key common features amongst gold-diggers are that many have experienced a troubled background of some sort and that they are desperately materialistic (to the extent that things in the material world are used by them to represent their identity). This can be a dangerous combination.
Gold-diggers are also very materialistic: they have learnt the art of “faking love” (which they are often too fearful to feel). These two facts combined can lead to someone who does not want to marry for love, emotional support, intimacy, or companionship; but someone who is driven by monetary rewards.
Modern society emphasises the importance of wealth and creates the illusion that all one needs to be happy in life is money. Insecure people who compare their own situation with those of celebrities are very susceptible to these messages and come to the conclusion that money is all they need in order to feel fulfilled, happy and content. Gold-diggers are looking for a quick fix with a temporary but tangible ‘reward’. Tthis alleviates their feelings of dissatisfaction and emptiness in the same way that alcohol or drugs do for others. But of course when the effects wear off, a gaping whole is left that needs to be filled still: and so the cycle continues.
But surely the “gold-dug” have a role too? Wealthy people have worked very hard for their financial success. Those at risk of attracting gold-diggers tend to be those that have neglected their emotional state of mind at the expense of that same success. So both the ‘gold-diggers’ and the ‘gold-dug’ have one thing in common: a reliance on money.
If someone is unfulfilled in one aspect of their life, yet successful in other ways, they may use the area that they are bountiful in to fill the gaps in the other areas. So the rich man or woman who is insecure about their attractiveness, whose partner has recently left them or who is worried about being too old, may unconsciously use their plentiful resource (money) to balance the situation out. They buy attention, companionship and admiration. Of course, you cannot really buy these things but you can buy an illusion of them and in the short-term this may work well but it is highly unlikely to yield any long-term gains for either party.
You may ask if this kind of relationship can ever be positive for either partner. The question about the positives depends on how much the person’s financial status has played a role in the development of the relationship and also whether any genuine mutual attraction and compatibility exists. In many successful relationships one partner provides the finance.
In the longer-term, these relationships can exaggerate the issues that these people had initially. As the relationship develops there is obviously a lack of trust between partners; there is a constant worry that a better option will be presented to either party. This can act to heighten insecurities that either party had to start with, which in turn can lead to controlling behaviour, power struggles, increased likelihood of affairs, and loneliness and depression for either party.
Even if it doesn’t work long-term, it can feel positive in the short-term as everyone gets what they want. However, neither party is really fulfilling the intimacy area of their life to the extent with which it is truly possible; and neither party will ever get the true rewards that come from a genuine loving relationship based on true compatibility and mutual chemistry.
Susie Ambrose is a Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist and the CEO of
Seventy Thirty