How To Pick The Right Coach

PURPOSE OF COACHING

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his lie comes to the point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and others. And having no respect, he ceases to love.” ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

When people are thinking of hiring a coach or—or even seeking advice from a friend—they usually have two, often contradicting, needs: they are seeking 1) emotional support and 2) a solution to the problem.

Many people are NOT seeking a solution to a problem but, instead, are seeking approval and compassion. They think that the coach has to understand, approve, and praise them; otherwise, they think they are being rejected, or even attacked, by the coach’s opinions.

There is a misunderstanding between the advice given and how the information is received. Many coaching clients will use defense mechanisms when they are exposed to the truth, which is an easy way to push away the issues that these clients are experiencing.

Conscious clients are seeking honest feedback and constructive criticism instead of consolation and compassion. They fully understand that they are failing or are hesitant to resolve their issues on their own and need an external, professional opinion. They want to pinpoint their mistakes—readily taking responsibility for their decisions and utilizing the newly received feedback instead of blindly following someone else’s opinion.

HOW CONSCIOUS COACHES ARE DIFFERENT

“I came to help you, and you are complaining that I am refusing to cry with you.” ~ Nietzsche

• Conscious coaches respect you. They do not feel sorry for you. They are not trying to save you. They are not afraid to tell you the truth.
• Conscious coaches are independent and respect themselves. They are not dependent on your friendship, your fees, or your affirmation of them.
• Conscious coaches won’t project their issues on you and aren’t trying to prove you wrong. They provide you with information and allow you to make your own choice. They have good boundaries with you with no self-defense mechanisms that they are using at your expense. Their feedback is useful, neutral, and objective.

WHAT TO AVOID

«Supportive» Coaches

Some coaches—in order not to lose business—choose to support a client by agreeing with the client’s strategy and by raising their timid self-esteem. They massage their client’s fragile Ego, making it impossible for them to resolve their existing issues.

Many people are coming for permission to do what they desire— seeking validation in their rightfulness. They will find a confirmation of their thoughts, even in an article that is giving the opposite advice. Instead of working on peeling off illusions and improving self-respect, a “supportive” coach helps to grow illusions—making a client slide even deeper into their dependency on external circumstances. A coach who has an external locus of control due to his own self-deceptions is incapable of helping a client to obtain an internal locus of control.

Stop Discussing Your Private Life With Others

The majority of people is very fearful and, at the same time, is longing for self-affirmation. Stop discussing your relationship with everyone around you and seeking validation and advice. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone and don’t need others to understand your choices. Respect your partner and your relationship, and have the maturity to work through everything as a team! Don’t make your relationship local news.

Why Reading Books And Listening To Friends’ Advice Rarely Helps

Most of the time, asking friends for advice is ineffective—even dangerous—as people are often projecting advice into your situation that would work for them based on their map of the world and experiences. In other words, their own subjective reflection of objective reality. Besides, family members and close friends often tend to take your side to support you in coping with a difficult situation—which has proven to be biased and counterproductive.

The same goes for books and articles. They contain general information, but any decision must be made based on the specifics of that situation. The same advice might be perfect for one person, but completely useless to someone else—due to a significant difference in circumstances.

OUR COACHING STYLE

The secret of our conscious coaching success is simple => Unbiased, precise evaluation + Brutally honest feedback + Effective tools, forming a new set of skills.

The tools we are offering are not simply pieces of information you can read in an article. It is impossible to acquire knowledge and immediately apply that to your pre-existing skills. For example, you can read about boundaries and self-esteem thousands of times, but you won’t be able to take a step forward in creating your boundaries. You won’t have an idea of what boundaries actually feel like and it may even feel to you like something entirely different.

Our conscious coaching program is not just a direction of steps to follow, but a system that helps to develop a habit of conscious thinking, to break old limiting patterns, and to create the reality you desire.

The whole point is to be able to use the newly learned models, and that’s what most people struggle with; not just accumulating knowledge, but forming a new set of lasting skills while reprogramming their original subconscious.

Giving You A Freedom Of Choice Instead Of Advice

Any advice given to another is only a solution from the perspective of the one giving advice.

You are the only one making decisions in your life; decisions based on your value system and beliefs. Therefore, the responsibility of making decisions in your life is yours as well. Our goal is to prepare you to take responsibility for your choices instead of relying on, and blindly following the advice of others.

Flashlight On Your Blind Spots

We pay attention to how you formulate your thoughts

We are trained to detect the mismatch between conscious and unconscious by paying close attention to your speech, and how you formulate your thoughts. These areas of mismatch are your blind spots. They have specific characteristics and are easy to recognize for a coach. Once we know all the blind spots, we start working on patching them. We are conscious beings. As soon as our consciousness finds the disproportions, the system reboots and resolves all conflicts.

We have been using this method successfully on many clients and have found it to be not only very effective but also pretty immediate—given the clients are open and don’t get lost in illusions. The better their self-reflection, the more changes accrue in their lives. Once the new solutions have been learned and practiced, the new pattern starts developing.