We are all looking for love and want to find that special person to spend the rest of our life with. Before we start looking for love, it is very important to get really honest with ourselves about the preception of love, relationship and ideal partner, that we are holding in our conciousness. We have to get real about our expectations and true inner desires, as often those are the ones that are driving and effecting our choices without us even recognising it. After you get clear with yourself, get ready to ask the same questions your potential partner. Of course, these are inquiries that take place over time and not all at once on a first date. Enjoy and wishing you a safe dating journey!
- What are your biggest fears?
- What are your biggest regrets?
- What are your roadblocks to/in relationships today?
- What would you love to change about yourself?
- What would you never change about yourself?
- The best thing you have ever done to anyone:
- The best thing others have ever done for you:
- What are you willing (means ‘can’ but ‘not thrilled’) to offer in the relationships?
- What would you LOVE to offer (the best of you) in the relationships?
- What do you expect to receive from the relationships and from your partner?
- What are your deal breakers in the relationships? (kids, religion, time, health conditions, money, sex, physical appearance, chemistry, fidelity, in-laws, abuse, addictions)
- What are your non-negotiables in the relationship and partner? (“must to have”)
- What does make you happy?
- What are the needs that you will be upset without?
- If you were to pick only two qualities in your mate, what it would be?
- What is your dating purpose?
- What does relationship mean to you? Describe how do you see yourself and your partner in relationship with each other? (Committed relationship, exclusive relationship, sexual exclusive relationship, dating, marriage, moving in together, entertainments together, open relationship, etc)
- What models did you have for loving relationships when you were growing up?
- What did you learn from them and what did you learn from those that weren’t healthy?
- What did you learn about self love?
- How was love expressed in your childhood?
- If you were a survivor of abuse, how have you done your healing work?
- If addiction was present in your family, how has it impacted on you?
- How do you want your relationship to mirror that of your parents and how do you want it to differ?
- If someone disagrees with you, how do you face it?
- When things don’t go the way you want, how do you handle disappointment?
- How do you express emotion, most especially anger?
- What was the best thing that ever happened in your life?
- What was the worst thing that ever happened in your life?
- How do you deal with change?
- What brings you joy and satisfaction?
- What are your values—particularly social?
- How do you take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually?
- What is your take on child raising when it comes to discipline and consequences?
- How do you face loss?
- When the inevitable dark nights of the soul occur, what sustains you until the morning comes?
- What are your spiritual beliefs? (For some who see themselves as atheist or agnostic, what enlightens and enlivens you and from where do you get your sustenance?)
- Let’s talk about our sexual desires, experiences and needs.
- I am a big believer in full disclosure; knowing that there is a difference between secrecy and privacy. Without necessarily disclosing the names of all previous lovers and interactions, it is important that a partner know if there are others still in your life. Safer sex practices are crucial as well.
- If you were in a committed relationship that shifted, how has your heart healed and are you ready for a new one?
- Do you remain friends with former partners? (By the way, I see that as a strength if the friendships are healthy and not fraught with jealousy and manipulation.)
- How do you balance needs for “we time” and “me time,” so that you nourish yourself as well as the relationship?
- How do you use your resources…saver, spender, sharer with money, time and energy?
- Do you want a relationship, or do you need a relationship?
- Who are you without one?