36 Questions to Fall in Love: A Step-by-Step Guide to Real Connection

36 Questions to Fall in Love: A Proven Path to Intimacy

Love is a universal desire. Yet despite dating apps, compatibility algorithms, and endless self-help guides, many people still struggle to build a deeper connection. That’s where the 36 questions to fall in love come into play. Originally designed by psychologists Arthur Aron, Elaine Aron (Original 1997 Study Abstract (Sage Journals), and their colleagues in the 1990s, these prompts gradually help two individuals open up and establish emotional closeness in ways that ordinary conversation seldom does.

In this article, we’ll explore why these 36 questions to fall in love work, how to use them, and what kind of results you might expect. Then, we’ll provide a unique rewording of the entire question list, organized into three sets.

Why 36 Questions to Fall in Love Matter

1. A Shortcut to Vulnerability

These prompts are structured to move from lighthearted to deeply personal. Sharing a bit of yourself at each stage helps you and your partner build trust step by step.

2. A Balance of Giving and Receiving

You’re not just asking questions—you’re also answering them. The reciprocity ensures both participants invest and feel equally vulnerable.

3. Relationship Research

Arthur Aron’s groundbreaking experiment showed that mutual self-disclosure can profoundly impact how close and trusting people feel toward one another. Many participants reported a level of closeness that usually takes months (or even years) to develop.

4. Real-World Success

When the New York Times ran an article titled “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This”, it went viral—people worldwide tested the questions and shared stories of meaningful connection. Though not every pair “fell in love,” many discovered surprising warmth, respect, or deeper friendship.

How to Use the 36 Questions

1. Set Aside Time

   • Choose a comfortable setting—like a quiet café or your living room—for about an hour of uninterrupted focus.

2. Take Turns

   • Let one person read a question aloud, then both of you answer. Switch who goes first each time.

3. Gradually Dig Deeper

   • The sets progress in intensity. Stay open-minded and be prepared to listen without judgment.

4. Finish with Eye Contact

   • The original study also suggests spending four minutes locking eyes afterward. This can feel awkward at first, but many say it fosters remarkable closeness.

Tip: If you’d like even more introspective prompts, you can also explore the Marcel Proust Questionnaire or create a fourth set of personal questions tailored to your unique experiences.

The 36 Questions to Fall in Love

Set I (Light Exploration)

1. Dinner Guest Fantasy
   If you could invite anyone in the world to share a meal, whom would you choose and why?
2. Fame or Freedom?
   Would you want to be famous? In what way would recognition change your life?
3. Phone Call Ritual
   Do you ever rehearse your calls before dialing? Why might that be?
4. Perfect Day
   Describe what a flawless day looks like from morning to night.
5. Singing Aloud
   When did you last sing to yourself or someone else?
6. Mind or Body Choice
   If you could reach 90 while preserving either your 30-year-old mind or body, which would you choose and why?
7. Secret Hunch
   Do you have a quiet feeling about how you might die?
8. Common Ground
   Share three things you think you and your partner have in common.
9. Gratitude Moment
   What’s something in your life you feel deeply thankful for?
10. Change Your Upbringing
    If you could alter any aspect of how you were raised, what would it be?
11. Four-Minute Story
    Take four minutes to give an overview of your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. New Dawn Ability
    If you woke up tomorrow having gained a new skill or quality, what would it be?

Set II (Deeper Self-Disclosure)

13. Crystal Ball
    If a crystal ball could reveal one truth—about your life, future, or something else—what would you want to know?
14. Long-Held Dream
    What’s a dream you’ve harbored for a while, and why haven’t you pursued it yet?
15. Your Greatest Triumph
    What accomplishment are you proudest of and why?
16. Friendship Values
    Which qualities do you prize most in a genuine friend?
17. Treasured Memory
    What stands out as your most cherished memory, and what makes it so special?
18. Darkest Memory
    What’s your most haunting memory, and how did it shape you?
19. Life in One Year
    If you learned you’d die in a year, would you alter how you’re living now? Why or why not?
20. Purpose of Friendship
    What does the concept of friendship mean to you personally?
21. Love & Affection
    In what ways do love and affection play a role in your day-to-day life?
22. Positive Partner Traits
    Each share five things you admire about the other person. Alternate so both get a turn.
23. Family Warmth
    How close do you feel to your family? Was your childhood happier than most?
24. Relationship with Mother
    Reflect on how you feel about your connection with your mother.

Set III (Intimate Bonding)

25. Shared “We” Statements
    Make three statements that begin with “We are both…”—e.g., “We are both in this room, feeling slightly nervous…”
26. Open Heart Wish
    Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
27. Close Friend Secrets
    If you were to become close friends with your partner, what would they need to know about you right away?
28. Honest Praise
    Tell your partner what you genuinely like about them. Be candid—mention things you might typically only reveal later.
29. Embarrassing Moment
    Talk about something that has embarrassed you and why it felt that way.
30. Tears of Then and Now
    When was the last time you cried in front of someone else? How about alone?
31. Something You Already Like
    Share one specific quality you’ve already come to like in your partner during this exchange.
32. No Jokes Allowed
    Is there any topic you feel is too serious to joke about? Explain.
33. No Regrets
    If you were to pass away tonight with no chance to communicate, what’s one thing you’d regret not telling someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Saving One Item
    Suppose your home caught fire after everyone was safe. You can dash back in to rescue just one item—what would it be and why?
35. Loss in the Family
    Of all the people in your family, whose death would unsettle you the most? Why?
36. Personal Problem
    Share a personal challenge you’re facing. Ask your partner for advice on how they might handle it, then reflect back how you feel about that problem.

Next Steps: Making the Most of This Experience

• Reflection: After these 36 questions to fall in love, consider discussing any unexpected insights, surprising similarities, or new emotions that emerged.
• Eye Contact: Try spending four silent minutes facing each other and holding eye contact. This can strengthen the connection you’ve been building.
• Future Plans: Whether you feel newfound affection, heightened friendship, or deeper admiration, don’t let the momentum die. Plan another meaningful activity together.

Conclusion

Love can feel mystical, but sometimes it’s cultivated through simple curiosity and genuine disclosure. These 36 questions to fall in love reflect decades of research into how emotional intimacy is forged. While they’re not a guaranteed “love potion,” they offer a structured path toward closeness—one that many couples, friends, and even strangers have tried, with remarkable results.

Ready to give it a try? Set aside an evening, gather your courage, and dive into these prompts. You might find yourself discovering layers of another person—and of yourself—that you never knew existed.