Mar
12
Written by:
adminsophia
3/12/2008 12:05 AM
Over the weekend a friend of mine has sent me an interesting article written by Mark de la Vina discussing the underwater stones of the first and second date. "...If a first date is akin to kicking the tires of a sports coupe on a car lot, the second date is like taking your potential dream rig for a test drive. At the risk of reducing dating to a visit to the auto mall, the second date is as important as that initial encounter in learning about the other person. While the first date is something of a sneak peek, a second date, free of jitters over making that great first impression, can reveal even more..."
"...In a sense, it's actually the real first date when it comes to determining how to proceed, dating experts say. By date No. 2, it should be clear whether you're physically attracted to each other. You should have some idea of what you have in common as well as where you differ in terms of family values, career, personal goals and personality. You should also recognize the smell of a mismatch even when everything appears to be beautifully in sync..."
In the article they address the issue of a missing chemistry/spark and recognition of a mismatch… at the first date. To my mind, the real problem is not when the chemistry is missing, but then chemistry is present but the person is a mismatch to you and you cant see it because you have chemistry… There is a difference between “Personality” and “Character” and a lot of times we are charmed by the personality and learn about the other person character when its already too late and we are deeply involved…
They also write about the importance of having similar interests for a successful relationships… my opinion on this is that it does NOT matter if you have similar hobbies or not… I believe the relationship is all about how two partners act in life’s prickly situations and their intentions. It's their ability to create a good "fit", even when their connection doesn't seem seamless, smooth and natural. Physical attraction and common interests should be considered only when the main component is present - "relationship skills" / "emotional intelligence" / “intentions” (long term goal and values). To find it out takes a little longer than a couple of dates… but a lot of people are afraid to talk about what they really want, their vision of the future and expectations of their partner at the beginning of their relationships. They avoid talking about it from a fear of being disproved or are afraid to “scare” the partner away… waiting to talk about it when the partner likes them more and is deeper involved with them to hear the truth… sometimes the truth come our only they are already got married…