Mar
31
Written by:
adminsophia
3/31/2010 2:22 PM
Thank you again to all of you who have sent questions. The range of interests and concerns is amazing! Today I will attempt to knock a few off and for others give gentle reminders to our graduates.
QUESTION: "How do I tame the 'hunter' in me? I'm a bit aggressive when I find a man I really like & I always seem to scare them off. I try really really hard not to pursue, but my cave woman inside makes me! Help!! I started to see this guy I've known & really like, and I don't want to mess this up too."
S. S. - Santa Monica, CA
ANSWER: Dear S.S. - I'm worried that you have, once again, chosen a man for whom you have too much chemistry. As a reminder, when a woman experiences "chemistry," she literally is being stimulated by two hormones: dopamine which causes excitement, and testosterone - the one that puts you in pursuit mode and turns you into a hunter. Your cavewoman has no choice at this point. But YOU do - date "off type" and, especially, give the great men who care about you a chance regardless of whether they fit your cavewoman's desires.
QUESTION: "In 'In Sync with the Opposite Sex,' you say it's important for men to look at other women. Please explain. It is a great source of pain and un-rest for me and many women I know."
M.V.
ANSWER: Dear M.V. - I'm afraid you are mistaken. I would never say "it's important" for men to look at other women. I do, however, teach that it is natural and usually not meant to hurt or inflame. In Keys to the Kingdom, Burt and Claudia talk about this and she points out that the other woman "turned his head" and the gift he gives her is turning it back. Men will do this sheepishly and hope they are not in trouble. If they are attacked about it, they will have to defend their behavior instead of being sorry for it. On the other hand, if a man is blatantly checking out other women, it may be a sign that he feels emasculated, something we address in our workshops. Keys to the Kingdom is available at http://www.understandmen.com/products/kingdom.html
QUESTION: "Is it unreasonable at my age in my next marriage/long term relationship to want to know that I will be taken care of financially if my business doesn't take off, or I can't find a job that makes enough? In other words, he supports us for the most part regardless of how I am able to contribute?" N.G.
ANSWER: Dear N.G. - All relationships are an opportunity to give and to receive. If both parties feel like they are receiving what they need and able to give what they most want to contribute, it can work. The trick is being honest and upfront about it. If you want to receive financial support, what do you want to provide? There are many men for whom taking care of the finances is natural and a privilege for them when a woman has their back and contributes to the quality of their life.
QUESTION: "Why does it seem like men don't care or listen when you ask them something in the nicest way? Such as, 'Could we please put dripping wet pans (that just have been washed) in the dishwasher to dry or just leave them in the sink? Instead of laying them on top of the stove top to drip all over stove?' Or 'Could you please remember to put toilet seat down?'" E.T.
ANSWER: Dear E.T. - Please refer to the handout you received in Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women entitled "How to Tell a Man What You Need" or consider reviewing the workshop. While you think the above requests are easy-to-remember preferences and tasks, that is only true for the Gatherer's brain. Not so for the Hunter. For him, there needs to be a reward that is equal to or greater than the energy he'll have to expend to give you what you are asking for. To help you out: at the beginning of living together, I described to Greg in colorful detail the experience of falling in the toilet in the middle of the night. We have a household of three females. We never encountered a toilet seat up because Greg took it upon himself that that should never happen to the women he loves.
Love and blessings to all of you!
Alison Armstrong
P.S. To all graduates of Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women - if you're feeling a bit rusty, consider reviewing the workshop with me in my upcoming tour. I will be leading the Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshop on weekdays in several U.S. cities. Here's the schedule:
May 13 & 14 in Seattle, WA
May 26 & 27 in Tarrytown, NY
June 26 & 27 in Los Angeles, CA
June 29 & 30 in San Diego, CA
October 27 & 28 in San Francisco
December 11 & 12 in Los Angeles, CA
There will be a limited number of seats available for Reviewers at each workshop. These workshops WILL SELL-OUT so register now! Call us at 800-418-9924 x0 or register on-line at http://www.understandmen.com/cmsw/index.html
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